So here I sit, in a booth at the McDonald's in Owatonna. You may be asking some questions like "Why are you all the way in Owatonna? Why are you writing a blog in such a place? Can I have $5?" Well mysterious person let me answer your questions.
I'm here in Owatonna for TEC 86, and I'm specifically in the McDonald's because I arrived in town one and a half hours early from class. I'm blogging here because it's the only time and place I've been able to find the time to write a blog post in my busy life. And no, sadly you cannot have $5, the only cash I have on me is for my TEC cup and Music Team shirt.
This brings me to the core focus of this post: my lack of time. This week marks the third week of classes for the semester and the first week my labs started for both chemistry and physics. So that's what I did with my Monday and Tuesday, along with work Tuesday night. Last night I spent my entire time at home getting ready, packing, and preparing myself for the upcoming TEC weekend which starts today. Now today I had to track down my professors to see what I would miss and turn in a lab that I did at 1am this morning. After this TEC weekend I will have a couple hours of down time to recover, sleep, wash my clothes, and then repack my suitcase for the Ag Policy Bootcamp this coming Monday and Tuesday in St. Paul. When you add all my homework and missing a chemistry lab and having to make up a physics lab, I have quite a bit on my mind, and in my backpack.
Now this entire back story brings me to the main core focus of this post: WHY? Many would, and have asked me, why would you do this to yourself Vinz. Well you see my answer is fairly simple; it's because I am so passionate. I wouldn't miss a TEC weekend or and FFA camp if I could do anything to prevent it; which is precisely what I have done. No matter what homework or notes I may have to come back to or try and squeeze in between my daily events for the next 6 days, I will do it. I guess I look it like this, if you're not stressing yourself that mainly means that you're not pushing yourself. This is not what I'm about to do, for far too long have I sat back and procrastinated my way to nothing. It's time to take the bull by the horns and crack down and further myself in whatever part of my life it may be. You cannot win today if you wait to take action tomorrow.
This also leads into what is coming up in two weeks. It is the day that could make or break my life for quite some time. It is the day that I run for Region President again, but this time I'm going to be fully prepared and ready for anything; unlike last year. This passion of mine: the National FFA Organization, is quite unique and I think will be the focus of my next blog post, so stay tuned to find out what Vinz has been through, what he hopes to do, and why he does it all in FFA!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
What IS Love?
There are four main types of Love: Agape, Storge, Phileo, Eros.
I am very fortunate to feel God's Agape love all the time, it fills me up and calms my spirit. God's Agape love is with me to protect and watch over me, to keep me safe and reassure me of his true nature. There is not much I can say about Agape love that you neither know about nor can know about without experiencing it firsthand. But do not be dismayed, for everyone knows of God's Agape love and has it with them at all times even if they do not feel it. It is within your own heart if you look deep and accept God's loving arms to surround you.
Storge is the affection between family members. I love my family immensely, but each in my own way. I may not show my affection outwards to them at all times, but I will always love and support my family. My family has been with me since the very beginning, well at least my close family. My father has never truly been around for me like I would like him to. However, even when he is half way across the globe, at least he tries. That's all I can truly ask from him. He tries and that's what shows me he truly cares, so I will always love him no matter what others may think of him.
My mother has been there supporting my every decision and she never (well hardly ever) questions my decisions and only wants to see me succeed in the things I care about. And my sister has been my rock, she keeps me grounded and on the right path. She helps me with any advice or help I may need, even if it's the little silly things. All in all my family is one of a kind and a true blessing in my life.
Phileo is also known as "brotherly love" and refers to the affection for those around us such as family and friends and also in reference to activities one enjoys. Well since I already talked about my family and I have numerous friends, I don't think I can spend too much time here without spending an entire 20 minutes talking about them all. I will talk about my passions in my life: Christ, FFA, and technology/video games.
My love for Christ is like no other, but I would be lying to you if I said our relationship was perfect. The thing about me that makes it so difficult is that my mind was made to think in somewhat of a logical process. I see the logic in everything, that's why I do so good in school I guess, I take all the facts into account and make a decision based on those key facts. This is why it is hard to accept God's presence in my life at some points. My main doubts stem from the notion that God has power over everything. Sometimes my mind goes to see the science in things and that some things have to, or are supposed to happen, so how can they be changed by God? My brain makes it hard to have faith sometimes, but I'm trying my best to just accept his ultimate power.
FFA has not always been my passion and if you knew me solely based on my background you'd be surprised to know that I am heavily involved in an organization based around agriculture. I grew up in Richfield, a suburb of the Twin Cities, and moved to Arlington in the summer after my fourth grade year. My passion for FFA and for agriculture truly blossomed at SGLC (State Greenhand Leadership Conference) and I found my niche in FFA thanks to some key State Officers and State Presidents at that camp. This is one of the main reasons I push so strongly, over all the obstacles that have been placed in front of me, to become Region President. I want to be that model for others, I want to make those connections with all the other members, for them to see that no matter what hardships you go through, no matter what setbacks you face, no matter what doubts you may have set upon you both by others and yourself, you can still do whatever you want. Most don't expect the young city boy to turn into such a strong agriculture advocate and one with such amazing passion, but here I stand before you as just that.
Technology, but more specifically video games have always and will always be a strong passion of mine. I still remember getting my first GameBoy Color and Pokemon Yellow which started my journey. The most amazing thing to me about video games is that there are endless possibilities to the worlds that can be made. There are no rules in video games, no gravity to live by and no rules of nature to hold you back. Any thought you have ever had can be portrayed in a video game. Video games also give an escape from the world around us; if you are too stressed out from your job or need to relax and take a step back from the events going on in your life, you can escape into a video game and get lost and just relax. Movies and music are also another passion of mine. Movies tell some pretty amazing stories, and there is always a movie to fit your mood. You can see the amazing things others have, or pretend to have, lived through. I use music as a way to connect with others. Everyone loves at least one type of music or has a favorite band or song that you may like too. I myself can like pretty much any song or type of music as long as I listen to it enough.
Eros refers to the love, passion, and attraction between lovers, and also happens to be the love that has been on my mind the most lately but coincidentilly the love that I have felt the least of in my life. Whoever said nice guys always win needs a reality check. I have always been nice to every girl I have ever liked, and where has that gotten me? Chucked into the friend zone every time. I'm always the guy that a friend who is a girl can come to if they have boy troubles, don't get me wrong, I am always willing to help out a friend in any way and it gives me some sort of satisfaction to help them out. I know exactly what to say to calm them down and work things out. But why can none of those girls see me right in front of them? I would never hurt them like the guys they complain about, I would never play games or abandon them: I am a true gentleman. This never seems to be enough. I almost got past this "parasitic" relationship with one girl, and we were set to go to Sadie Hawkins, until she told me she found someone else the week before, while he turned out to be just a fling and was gone within a few weeks. I have never told her how much I still think of that day' what she did to me, she even considers us friends, but to me there will always be that wall between us because of what happened. I don't know why it is impossible for a girl to like me as anything more than a friend. I consider myself to be a great guy, I know how to laugh and have a great time, I'm smart, and I have everything in my life under control, so what it is that is holding me back from obtaining that next level in a relationship? Is it my weight? Maybe this is what's holding me back, but why? What is ultimate difference if I weigh some extra pounds and wear a bigger shirt? I'm still the same guy on the inside. I will NEVER let my weight hold me back, so neither should you.
Another thing I don't understand is how am I supposed to know who that "ultimate girl" for me is? How will I know who God has chosen for me to live my life out with, and what am I supposed to do while I wait? How long will I have to wait? I have so many questions but I never get a single answer. Maybe you've never gone through something like this, maybe you and the one you have always liked are going out, but let me tell you this. You have no idea how hard it is to see the one you love right in front of you, right by your side laughing at all your jokes and having an extremely close relationship, but knowing it may never get closer. I have seen the girl I truly liked go out with someone else. I look at their relationship and all I come up with are questions like: Why is he so much better than me? Will they always be together? What can I do? And then it dawns on me: nothing. I can truly do nothing but sit by and watch those two be together while I just suffer by only being a friend to that girl. It absolutely pains me to watch a woman be in a relationship with a man who treats her wrongly, in any shape or form; I wish I could be given that chance to show her what a true gentleman should treat the love of his life like.
I have never known what it's like to be in a relationship, so maybe I have the wrong idea of what it should be. I have never been able to have someone that I can truly talk to about any and everything. I long for that person that I can just be myself with and we can have an amazing time just sitting in a room by ourselves with no other distractions. Maybe one day that'll happen, but I ask when? Do I have to wait until next year when I go to the U, or do I have to wait until I move into the nursing home and find her there?
I guess the only true thing I can do right now is wait. I can only wait and continue to work on myself so that I am truly able to share myself with the right person. I just ask the Lord that he sends her soon, because I'm getting antsy, I just want to start my life with someone else!
That's my take on the four types of love and their roles in my life. It may not have any value to you, but it's what I've been thinking about for the past few days.
I am very fortunate to feel God's Agape love all the time, it fills me up and calms my spirit. God's Agape love is with me to protect and watch over me, to keep me safe and reassure me of his true nature. There is not much I can say about Agape love that you neither know about nor can know about without experiencing it firsthand. But do not be dismayed, for everyone knows of God's Agape love and has it with them at all times even if they do not feel it. It is within your own heart if you look deep and accept God's loving arms to surround you.
Storge is the affection between family members. I love my family immensely, but each in my own way. I may not show my affection outwards to them at all times, but I will always love and support my family. My family has been with me since the very beginning, well at least my close family. My father has never truly been around for me like I would like him to. However, even when he is half way across the globe, at least he tries. That's all I can truly ask from him. He tries and that's what shows me he truly cares, so I will always love him no matter what others may think of him.
My mother has been there supporting my every decision and she never (well hardly ever) questions my decisions and only wants to see me succeed in the things I care about. And my sister has been my rock, she keeps me grounded and on the right path. She helps me with any advice or help I may need, even if it's the little silly things. All in all my family is one of a kind and a true blessing in my life.
Phileo is also known as "brotherly love" and refers to the affection for those around us such as family and friends and also in reference to activities one enjoys. Well since I already talked about my family and I have numerous friends, I don't think I can spend too much time here without spending an entire 20 minutes talking about them all. I will talk about my passions in my life: Christ, FFA, and technology/video games.
My love for Christ is like no other, but I would be lying to you if I said our relationship was perfect. The thing about me that makes it so difficult is that my mind was made to think in somewhat of a logical process. I see the logic in everything, that's why I do so good in school I guess, I take all the facts into account and make a decision based on those key facts. This is why it is hard to accept God's presence in my life at some points. My main doubts stem from the notion that God has power over everything. Sometimes my mind goes to see the science in things and that some things have to, or are supposed to happen, so how can they be changed by God? My brain makes it hard to have faith sometimes, but I'm trying my best to just accept his ultimate power.
FFA has not always been my passion and if you knew me solely based on my background you'd be surprised to know that I am heavily involved in an organization based around agriculture. I grew up in Richfield, a suburb of the Twin Cities, and moved to Arlington in the summer after my fourth grade year. My passion for FFA and for agriculture truly blossomed at SGLC (State Greenhand Leadership Conference) and I found my niche in FFA thanks to some key State Officers and State Presidents at that camp. This is one of the main reasons I push so strongly, over all the obstacles that have been placed in front of me, to become Region President. I want to be that model for others, I want to make those connections with all the other members, for them to see that no matter what hardships you go through, no matter what setbacks you face, no matter what doubts you may have set upon you both by others and yourself, you can still do whatever you want. Most don't expect the young city boy to turn into such a strong agriculture advocate and one with such amazing passion, but here I stand before you as just that.
Technology, but more specifically video games have always and will always be a strong passion of mine. I still remember getting my first GameBoy Color and Pokemon Yellow which started my journey. The most amazing thing to me about video games is that there are endless possibilities to the worlds that can be made. There are no rules in video games, no gravity to live by and no rules of nature to hold you back. Any thought you have ever had can be portrayed in a video game. Video games also give an escape from the world around us; if you are too stressed out from your job or need to relax and take a step back from the events going on in your life, you can escape into a video game and get lost and just relax. Movies and music are also another passion of mine. Movies tell some pretty amazing stories, and there is always a movie to fit your mood. You can see the amazing things others have, or pretend to have, lived through. I use music as a way to connect with others. Everyone loves at least one type of music or has a favorite band or song that you may like too. I myself can like pretty much any song or type of music as long as I listen to it enough.
Eros refers to the love, passion, and attraction between lovers, and also happens to be the love that has been on my mind the most lately but coincidentilly the love that I have felt the least of in my life. Whoever said nice guys always win needs a reality check. I have always been nice to every girl I have ever liked, and where has that gotten me? Chucked into the friend zone every time. I'm always the guy that a friend who is a girl can come to if they have boy troubles, don't get me wrong, I am always willing to help out a friend in any way and it gives me some sort of satisfaction to help them out. I know exactly what to say to calm them down and work things out. But why can none of those girls see me right in front of them? I would never hurt them like the guys they complain about, I would never play games or abandon them: I am a true gentleman. This never seems to be enough. I almost got past this "parasitic" relationship with one girl, and we were set to go to Sadie Hawkins, until she told me she found someone else the week before, while he turned out to be just a fling and was gone within a few weeks. I have never told her how much I still think of that day' what she did to me, she even considers us friends, but to me there will always be that wall between us because of what happened. I don't know why it is impossible for a girl to like me as anything more than a friend. I consider myself to be a great guy, I know how to laugh and have a great time, I'm smart, and I have everything in my life under control, so what it is that is holding me back from obtaining that next level in a relationship? Is it my weight? Maybe this is what's holding me back, but why? What is ultimate difference if I weigh some extra pounds and wear a bigger shirt? I'm still the same guy on the inside. I will NEVER let my weight hold me back, so neither should you.
Another thing I don't understand is how am I supposed to know who that "ultimate girl" for me is? How will I know who God has chosen for me to live my life out with, and what am I supposed to do while I wait? How long will I have to wait? I have so many questions but I never get a single answer. Maybe you've never gone through something like this, maybe you and the one you have always liked are going out, but let me tell you this. You have no idea how hard it is to see the one you love right in front of you, right by your side laughing at all your jokes and having an extremely close relationship, but knowing it may never get closer. I have seen the girl I truly liked go out with someone else. I look at their relationship and all I come up with are questions like: Why is he so much better than me? Will they always be together? What can I do? And then it dawns on me: nothing. I can truly do nothing but sit by and watch those two be together while I just suffer by only being a friend to that girl. It absolutely pains me to watch a woman be in a relationship with a man who treats her wrongly, in any shape or form; I wish I could be given that chance to show her what a true gentleman should treat the love of his life like.
I have never known what it's like to be in a relationship, so maybe I have the wrong idea of what it should be. I have never been able to have someone that I can truly talk to about any and everything. I long for that person that I can just be myself with and we can have an amazing time just sitting in a room by ourselves with no other distractions. Maybe one day that'll happen, but I ask when? Do I have to wait until next year when I go to the U, or do I have to wait until I move into the nursing home and find her there?
I guess the only true thing I can do right now is wait. I can only wait and continue to work on myself so that I am truly able to share myself with the right person. I just ask the Lord that he sends her soon, because I'm getting antsy, I just want to start my life with someone else!
That's my take on the four types of love and their roles in my life. It may not have any value to you, but it's what I've been thinking about for the past few days.
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