As I sit here and listen to the songs you once showed me, I cannot help but let the memories come rushing in. I think of the time you first showed it to me, the emotions it connected with, and now the thoughts it brings back. Each song has a memory that is connected to it and some are easier to listen to than others. But sometimes I find myself listening to a song just to feel that connection once more.
Sometimes I need to be reminded of the past we once shared. Why am I pushed to this point? Because bridges have been burnt; whether it was by you, by me, or by mutual agreement. I wish I could send you a text or tell you about all the little things that remind me of you, but I cannot cross the river over to you anymore. I wish with all my might I could go back and begin that friendship over again. Relive it all and cherish the memories once more, but sadly time does not work like that.
I wish I could go to you now and rebuild that bridge but how do you build a bridge out of broken materials? I wish I could go back and save that bridge from being torn down. I wish I had given it my all instead of giving up on the friendship we had built up. The worst pain is knowing that no matter what I do, I can never guarantee that if I were to go back and try again you would be there to build up the bridge from the other side.
We are bound to go through life and gain and lose friendships, but sometimes I wish it were not so hard. I wish every little thing did not fill me up with memories we once shared, adventures we went on, laughter we exploded in, or tears we shed together. I wish I would be able to move on, but I can still see you from the shore that is left where that mighty bridge once stood. I wish I could go back and forget all the troubles.
This is an open letter of sorts, letting you know that if we have burnt a bridge between us that I have never forgotten about you. I hope that the little things remind you of me just as much as they remind me of you. I can promise you I have never forgotten about you, nor will I ever forget about you. I think of all the things we did together and I wish for those times back. I do not know how I would do it or muster through the pain, but I would just to see you as I once did. I am sick of seeing your name and feeling an emptiness inside. I am sick of averting my eyes or dropping silent every time we cross paths. I am sick of imagining what I would say to you if I had the chance.
There are countless individuals that come to mind when I write this, but I remember each and every single one of you. Honestly, there are too many to admit, because it is embarrassing. I have let the slightest thing get in the way of what we once had. I gave up when you still expected me to fight, and I should have. I let the supports snap on my side of the bridge, which caused a series of events that led to it crumbling.
There are numerous people out there telling you that sometimes you just have to drift away from someone. But I do not know how that is possible when I think of it all this much. I am willing to change it all, I just do not know how to go about it. It just seems like we have traveled miles apart and nothing can bridge that gap anymore. I wish I knew where to go from here. One thing I know is certain, the little things will never cease to remind me of you and bring back the memories that feel so right.
For those of you that come to the same situation, please do not give up. Do not let that bridge fall unless it is your only option. If you are the cause of it, then swallow your pride and do whatever you have to to save that friendship. It will be worth anything greater than what you thought was bigger than your friendship. The worst thing you can do is let it all fall down and regret it every time you look back.
If it is the other person, then work towards common ground. Talk it out with them instead of stopping all conversation or contact. Be the bigger person and listen to the person on the other side. Please do not make my mistakes. I understand that there are some relationships that are not healthy for you. It is up to you to decide what that is. Whatever you do, do not read the relationship wrong and then realize your mistake after you set that bridge on fire.
For those I have hurt, I am sorry. For those bridges I have burnt down, I am sorry. I would do anything to go back and build up that bridge, but I fear you do not see it the same. For those out there that still have a chance, continue to fight. Do not give up unless it is your only option, because you do not want to realize down the road you made the wrong decision. It will eat you up inside. Do what you can with what life hands you, but think about every step before you do something you cannot take back.
